“…And all of my limitations begin to fade away, In this place I have freedom, it’s here I wish to stay. Thoughts become distant feelings, going with the flow, I’ll just sit still now. Begin by letting go…” ~ Etherwood – Begin By Letting Go
I saw the video clip of this song for the first time on my friend’s Facebook wall some years back. And it resonated again after I got a phone call from a good friend from high school earlier this morning. She was a bubbly, brave, sporty, stubborn, and smart girl. We used to push each other to excel in our study, and we even co-founded English debate club in our high school back then. Today she called me in tears, telling me about her (long overdue) breakup stories. And that broke my heart.
Well, it’s never been easy to let go. Especially letting go of the fear. Be it the fear of rejection, fear of being lonely, or fear to fail. We, human, need validations. We, human, need acceptance. We, human, hate rejection.
I’m no exception in this matter. I worry a lot. I overthink what the outcome of a process might be. I always tend to take control of everything. It’s still what I face now but it gets better after I started doing trail and ultra marathons. Not the “crazy” ultra, but I’ve done two 60 Km runs so far. Not bad, huh? :p
Fellow runners must know the doubt before starting the race. The intense anxiety. That “why would I do this?” thinking. That “Oh My God, it will be so hot today”. That “It will hurt my legs”. That “will I be able to finish it?”. That “what if I can’t finish? What would be my excuse?”. Or “what if I get cramped legs?”
We, runners, may seem strong on the outside, but trust me, we have that vulnerable side at some points of our life. But once we pass the starting line, we will let go of everything. We will let go of our negative thoughts. We will just move our legs as long and as far as we can. If we can’t run, we walk. We concentrate on where we are, running towards the finish line. We have the battle with ourselves and our own thoughts. We try our best not to quit, until we reach the finish line. Sometimes we reached the finish line over the cut off time. Sometimes we had to stop for awhile because of injuries. Sometimes we had to drop out of the race for some reasons. But at least we’ve been brave enough to start. And to let go.
Once we reach the finish line, we will know how worthy it is to start. As in life, sometimes it will be worthy to start to let go when we’re scared the most.